Tour de Cure wrap up...long over due

All in all a good ride minus the 82 to 92 degree temperatures, the crappy roads, the traffic and the humidity. Good try Gloucester but we will be going back to Portsmouth next year. Yes it is a full month earlier and we might freeze and have less training but oh well at least the roads are smooth and no one tries to run you over. Please see Slim's summary.

Here is my brief synopsis:

Critracer:

So obviously certain people didn't see my Checklist blog as he showed up with out the all important white envelope. This was the least of his worries as he also left his helmet and gloves at his house and had to buy a new helmet at the ride. He did show a lot of patience though.

Grade C, it would have been an A but you showed up without half of your stuff and spent 5 miles tucking in behind a 90 pound 5 foot lady instead of helping your team. I did like his excuse; "I thought you said track her down", yeah cause she was really going to help us.

JRock:

All she was responsible for was tiring out Crit and finding a place to stay near our campground. I can not vouch for any late night tiring activities but she did manage to book a nice place on Atlantic St. Only one problem, we were staying on Atlantic Rd. So lets see they thought they were 2 minutes from us and ended up being 20 minutes away...and BTW they use a GPS in their car!
Oh well they found us and Crit was actually the at the start before we were.

Grade B, Road vs. Street, enough said.

BF:

He brought his gay seat, SPF Teflon, all the necessary equipment BUT he didn't bring his A game. He thought he was cramping at mile 35 of 62. Unfortunately for him we were in no mans land regarding turning back or forging ahead. We took a little short cut that saved us 7 miles and I will give him credit, he did finish. The last 6 or 7 miles were quite arduous and for what was supposed to be a pretty flat course he sucked it up and peddled the sizable hills at the end. The teams consensus is he not allowed to ride more than 40 miles and quite frankly he is going to show credible evidence he can before now and next May. I am thinking at least five 50 to 60 milers.

Grade B, on 2nd thought I am giving him a C because he went to bed at 4PM, got up at 6 for some pizza and went back to bed at 7:05. AAAARRRRFFFF

LF:

She handled her end of the bargain except for a couple of minor glitches. She was late getting her and the other women to the finish line so the only wife to see us finish was SlimWife. She also went to bed at 7:05 PM on her birthday. REALLY? I mean we all expect that of BF but you are the cool one! Otherwise very solid effort.

Grade B minus, 7:05 on your birthday? My beautiful wife almost fell out of her chair trying to catch her jaw.

Slim:

Solid work, rode very strong and brought lots of Gu. He was pretty bored at the end and raced Crit up the hills. This is a guy with some lung issue I can't spell who had to chase his 2 kids around half the time on Saturday but still threw in a nice pull. Nice work!

Grade A, there was nothing to complain about.

SlimWife:

The gossip mags were out in full force and she didn't let her kids get anyone sick. On the other hand she was ready to kill someone as the kids had a hard time sleeping with the excitement of camping. I applaud your patience.

Grade A Plus for surviving.

My Beautiful Wife:

She did as well as could be expected regarding keeping my dad in check and was the only one with non-stop energy, well except for the kids but she isn't much older than them so that is to be expected. I think she even liked her new camp chair.

Grade B because she spent 20 minutes helping my dad park his camper when she was supposed to be helping me make dinner.

Homey:

I was a little tired after a long pull from mile 28 to about 35 with the last 3 miles being slower than I would have liked. Besides that I just hung around and tried to point out holes and scream holes when the going was really bumpy. At one point I yelled big hole which apparently in the wind sounded like big ho. Besides that pretty uneventful.

Grade B, I wasn't as strong in the heat as I wanted to be but I did hang back and make sure BF got up all the hills.

SlimCycles Tour de Cure Check/Wish list

Here is a list of the items, some tangible some of the action variety that should help SlimCycle complete the 62 miles in under 4 hours:

BF--Bring your shoes, PeptoBismol, lots of SPF Teflon, a wicked GAY seat and stay away from anything that could give you the Dominicans. That includes but is not limited to; seafood, small children and beer. PLEASE PLEASE dear god bring your A game.

Critracer--Bring lots of tequila with Sam Adams chasers: That is right Saturday is the day you start drinking hard alcohol again. The hangover combined with two softball induced torn hamstrings should slow you down just enough that some of us lesser cyclists escape with our manhood intact well at least those of who went into the ride with their manhood, see nose-less/gay seat. Hell you might want to carry a flask on the ride.

Plus if you don't bring your own tequila I will have my Dad sit on your chest while I pour tequila shots down your throat.

DO NOT BRING: The PS3 and GTA4 you just got for your birthday.

JRock (Crits Fiance)--Bring Crit to the check in area by 7:40, his large white envelope with his sign up information, his donation total (if it gets above $150) and don't be afraid to keep him up all night at whatever B&B you end up at. We will all be better served if you sap as much strength as possible from him and now that he is less than a year from 40 that shouldn't be too hard...pardon the pun.

Slim--Bring the Gu, the 605 Garmin Edge and we will let you bring your family BUT minus any communicable diseases. We don't need your kids getting us all sick and we all know how little a child can be and still take down BF. (Re: Mackenzie, golf in Florida week, circa 2005)

Also try not to get hurt tonight on the MTN Bike.

SlimWife--Bring blueberry beer, lots of gossip mags and a healthy sense of humor. What were you thinking agreeing to camp with us idiots for 3 nights? Keep the kids healthy and if they are sick bring masks for BF.

LF--Bring lots of Coors Light, all your new camping gear, Bob and his toys plus everything BF needs. I know that seems like a lot of responsibility but I am confident you can handle it and not so confident BF can.

There is no need to drive the 2 hours back to your house for shoes this time. If the shoes are not with us we are taping his feet to the pedals with duct tape and laughing hysterically at every stop sign. Ohh and the big man is down!

My Beautiful Wife--Bring your new camp chair. That is all you need. But you have the most important job. You need to keep my Dad from force feeding BF and Slim tequila or any kind of hard alcohol on Saturday night. Yup your job is to keep my Dad in check. Best of luck with that.

Homey--I will bring Geary's Summer Ale. As per usual I will pull for approximately 61 of the 62 miles Sunday and I need carbs for strength and staying wide (215 lbs) is how I block the wind for Slim and BF.

Best of luck everyone, if we all follow this simple checklist we will succed.