Here is a list of the items, some tangible some of the action variety that should help SlimCycle complete the 62 miles in under 4 hours:
BF--Bring your shoes, PeptoBismol, lots of SPF Teflon, a wicked GAY seat and stay away from anything that could give you the Dominicans. That includes but is not limited to; seafood, small children and beer. PLEASE PLEASE dear god bring your A game.
Critracer--Bring lots of tequila with Sam Adams chasers: That is right Saturday is the day you start drinking hard alcohol again. The hangover combined with two softball induced torn hamstrings should slow you down just enough that some of us lesser cyclists escape with our manhood intact well at least those of who went into the ride with their manhood, see nose-less/gay seat. Hell you might want to carry a flask on the ride.
Plus if you don't bring your own tequila I will have my Dad sit on your chest while I pour tequila shots down your throat.
DO NOT BRING: The PS3 and GTA4 you just got for your birthday.
JRock (Crits Fiance)--Bring Crit to the check in area by 7:40, his large white envelope with his sign up information, his donation total (if it gets above $150) and don't be afraid to keep him up all night at whatever B&B you end up at. We will all be better served if you sap as much strength as possible from him and now that he is less than a year from 40 that shouldn't be too hard...pardon the pun.
Slim--Bring the Gu, the 605 Garmin Edge and we will let you bring your family BUT minus any communicable diseases. We don't need your kids getting us all sick and we all know how little a child can be and still take down BF. (Re: Mackenzie, golf in Florida week, circa 2005)
Also try not to get hurt tonight on the MTN Bike.
SlimWife--Bring blueberry beer, lots of gossip mags and a healthy sense of humor. What were you thinking agreeing to camp with us idiots for 3 nights? Keep the kids healthy and if they are sick bring masks for BF.
LF--Bring lots of Coors Light, all your new camping gear, Bob and his toys plus everything BF needs. I know that seems like a lot of responsibility but I am confident you can handle it and not so confident BF can.
There is no need to drive the 2 hours back to your house for shoes this time. If the shoes are not with us we are taping his feet to the pedals with duct tape and laughing hysterically at every stop sign. Ohh and the big man is down!
My Beautiful Wife--Bring your new camp chair. That is all you need. But you have the most important job. You need to keep my Dad from force feeding BF and Slim tequila or any kind of hard alcohol on Saturday night. Yup your job is to keep my Dad in check. Best of luck with that.
Homey--I will bring Geary's Summer Ale. As per usual I will pull for approximately 61 of the 62 miles Sunday and I need carbs for strength and staying wide (215 lbs) is how I block the wind for Slim and BF.
Best of luck everyone, if we all follow this simple checklist we will succed.
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5 comments:
All you want me to do is keep your dad under control? Why not ask me to solve the mystery of the sphinx, solve global warming, or find a USB-to-book cable? All of these things would be reasonably easier than controlling your father.
you speaketh the truth
Critter better come with some cash or he won't need his bike and can drink all the tequila he wants.
Also Curtiss RED will be in the haaaouse. See you on Friday!!
Curtiss RED SWEET! That will make the whole thing worth while.
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